Friday, 22 May 2020 14:59

WQMX Dad Jokes Contest

Submit your favorite Dad Joke for a chance to win a $50 Hartville Hardware Gift Card and a foursome of golf at Firestone 9!

We will randomly choose 1 Dad Joke per day the week of June 15-19 and Scott & Sarah will read it on the Morning Show.

Then all 5 daily winners will be entered into the Grand Prize drawing for: A Big Green Egg AND a 9-week mosquito treatment ($270 value) from Akron Mosquito Joe.

 *Grand Prize Winner will be announced Monday, June 22nd

 

Monday, June 15 winner:

Have you heard the rumor about butter? Well, I don't wanna spread it!

~Cassie Pollock of Mogadore

Tuesday, June 16 winner:

What kind of bear is the most condescending? A Pan-Duh!!!!!!


~Emily Smith of Cuyahoga Falls

Wednesday, June 17 winner:  
 
Why was the little cookie sad? Because his dad was a wafer so long.
 

~Michael Shackelford of Akron

Thursday, June 18 winner:

What nationality is Santa Claus? He's North Polish!

~Chris Eitman of Akron  

Friday, June 19 winner

What do you call a horse with insomnia? A nightmare!

~Ashley Mudra of Akron

 
Dad Joke Submissions
 

Joe Madonio of Akron: Hey, I have an OWWW dentist appointment today. It’s a TOOTH HURTY!

 

Ashley Hinderer of Massillon: What did the mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra!

 

Austin Keith of Barberton: Where’s the best place to hide in a hospital? The ICU!

 

John Safar of Akron: How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

 

Leah Baughman of Wadsworth: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!

 

Paul Day of Akron: This young man just got his driver license and he went to his dad and said, “dad can I borrow the car”? His dad said, “if you read the bible and be good and cut your hair you can borrow the car.” About two weeks later the boy comes back to his dad and said, “dad I have read the bible and been good”. His dad said, “yes but you have not cut your hair”. The boy said, “you know Moses had long hair, Abraham had long hair, even Jesus had long hair”. His dad said, “they also walked were they went”.

 

Amanda Beres of Massillon: What do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A Roman Catholic!

 

Dawn McKeel of Akron: Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton”

 

Rebeka Yun of Ravenna: What do you call a one legged Hippo?A Hoppo!

 

Dustin Sprowls of Akron: Why is divorce so expensive?? Because it's worth it!

 

David Royer of Mogadore: Kids, “whats that smell? it smells like "up dog".... then they say "What's up dog?" hahaha I love it!!!

 

Joshua Leemaster of Barberton: Hey could you grab that cheese, just watch yourself it’s sharp cheddar! Lol

 

Andrew Gleespen of Uniontown: Do you see that graveyard over there? People are just dying to get in there! 

 

Tami Byer of North Lawrence: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A POPsicle!

 

Ashlee Byer of Massillon: How is the baby bird like its dad? It’s a chirp off the old block!

 

Cory Byer of Cleveland: What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet? We’re gonna have a BB!

 

Alex Delasantos of Shaker Heights: What did the daddy buffalo say to its son before it left for school? Bison!

 

Angella Rose of Coventry Township: What is the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father? One's a pop fly, the other's a fly pop!

 

Ken Aaron of Canal Fulton: What's a fish say when he swims into a wall? ....... "DAM"

 

Beth Barrish of Streetsboro: What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh!

 

Melissa Sommers of Doylestown: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?  He made a spectacle of himself!!  HAAHAHAH

 

Jessica Patterson of Dover: Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?  He has a reptile dysfunction.  

 

Brennan Keith of Barberton: Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired!

 

Cody Rininger of Massillon: When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

 

Jim Klein of Streetsboro: What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

 

Sarah Brunswick: Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 13 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Joe!

 

Kellie Koubek of Cuyahoga Falls: What did the egg say to the boiling water???
Damn you make me hard!! :) :) :) :)

 

Chris Lega of Louisville: I have a fear of speed bumps. I'm slowly getting over them. I also have a fear of elevators, but I've started taking steps to avoid them.

 

Ben Bowe of Canton: Did you hear about the burglar who broke into a toy store and stole all the Limbo sticks?? Seriously how low can someone go!!! Hahaha

 

Jeff McDougal of Hudson: What do you call a witch that lives in the desert? A sand witch!

 

Samantha Heritage of Mayfield Heights: Same every April fools day growing up of course! Guess what!? You guys (three of us kids) do not have school today. Really why!? There was a water main break and the bathrooms do not work. Yes!!!! Just kidding! Get dressed love you!

 

Danielle Bitner of Mayfield Heights: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!

 

Dan Henry of Akron: What color socks do bears wear? No socks, silly, they have bear feet!

 

Charles Province of North Canton: What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?!

 

Joe Ravagnani of Broadview Heights: Does anyone know if I need a current license to drive an electric car?

 

Bob Dallara of Hartville: What did the blind fish say when he bumped into a wall? Dam!

 

Caden of North Royalton: “Hi hungry I’m dad”!

 

Matthew Baden of Canton: So a piece of pie in Jamaica costs $2.50 and a piece of pie in the Bahamas costs $3.00! I don’t know why this matters. It’s just the PIE-rates of the Caribbean. 

 

Joseph Mudra of Akron: Did you know you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while?!

 

James Gish of Akron: I once wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it was more of a wrap. I know, I know... it was a bit corny. 

 

Matt Cooper of Massillon: The LEGO shop re-opens today after being closed since March, but I’d recommend avoiding it for the time being...People will be lined up for blocks!

 

Thomas Stults of Copley: Who helped design King Arthur's table? Circumference

 

Brian Johnson of Cuyahoga Falls: My dad has a conjoined twin, he is my uncle on my dad's side.

 

Karen Purcell of Uniontown: Son ant says to dad, why don't we get Corona virus? Because son we have anty bodies.

 

Heath Campbell of Beach City: What's a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it would be "R" but it's the big "C"

 

Richard Keefe of Massillon: Do you know where engagement Ohio is?.......... I heard it is somewhere between Dayton and Marion!

 

Ashley Mudra of Akron: What do you call a horse with insomnia? A nightmare!

 

Ryan Etapa of Uniontown: Where does the general keep his armies? Up his sleeves! 

 

Kevin Baer of Dalton: What’s the difference between a piano and a tuna fish? You can tune a piano but you can’t tune a fish!

 

Chad Shomate of Brunswick: 2 peanuts walked into a comedy club. One got roasted and it made the other one salty. 

 

Jason Bannevich of Canal Fulton: 2 peanuts are walking down the road 
1 of them is assaulted (A salted) 

 

Rick Nelson of Uniontown: You know I had a weak back about a week back....

 

Leonard Kueking of Canal Fulton: Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

 

Joyce Amstutz of Akron: Why can't you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheatas (cheetahs)!

 

Madeline of Smithville: “You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

 

Mindy Moss of Atwater: What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! 

 

Cody of Kent: Worker: “I’m sorry sir, we stopped carrying the product.” Dad: “it’s fine just tell me where you set it down at and I can find it.“

 

Michael Kress of Burbank: Knock Knock.....who’s there? Cargo....cargo who? Car go Beep Beep

 

Marissa George of Medina: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!

 

Richard Stevenson of Akron: What did the Zero say to the Right? Nice belt!

 

Matt Pantaleano of Cuyahoga Falls: What's green and spins in a circle? A frog in a blender 

 

Bob Aman of Canton: What do you call someone with no body and no nose? NOBODY KNOWS 

 

Jorge Vega of Doylestown: Dad: What's up? Daughter: idk? Dad: A duck’s butt when it's drinking water 

 

Emma Bernardi of Canton: What did one wall say to the other wall?? One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!! Lol

 

Andy Ardito of Medina: Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!

 

Brooke Pulczinski of Barberton: My wife gets angry that I keep introducing her as my ex-girlfriend. 

 

Marybeth Sullivan of Barberton: What's the Pirate alphabet? A, R, and the 7 "C's"

 

Jake Skiba of Akron: Can you believe all the crap they’ve been through and they’re still together?! Who?! Your buttcheeks!

 

Timothy Wagner of Akron: Back when I was a kid we couldn't even afford to pay attention!

 

Larry Chapman of Akron: Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen!

 

Carrie Duncan of East Sparta: Did you hear they aren't making yard sticks any longer?

 

Tamie Hunt of Kent: (As geese are flying over) Dad says " You see how when geese are flying they fly in a V formation? KID SAYS “YES.” Dad " why is one side of the V, always longer than the other side?" Kid " I dont know, why?" DAD " because there are more geese on that side"

 

Wendy Fisher of North Lawrence: Dad: I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, because you was tripping all day.

 

Braeden Reynolds of Hiram: Did you hear the rumor about the butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!!

 

Christopher of Cuyahoga Falls: When you drive by a cemetery and you say do you know how many people are dead in there? And you say I don't know. Answer is: all of them 

 

Lee Swiat of Barberton: What do you call a guy on your front porch with no arms and no legs? Matt. What do you call a guy in the water with no arms and no legs? Bob.

 

Keith Wagner of Wadsworth: I bought myself a universal remote and thought to myself, "this changes everything!"

 

Jen Linamen of North Canton: Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered!

 

Suzanne Boyer of North Canton: I was headed to the grocery store this morning when I got a flat tire. I called my dad to see what I should do. He said you should buy “a spare I guess”

 

Sir Charles Porter of Akron: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!

 

Jerry Bryant of Akron: Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize!

 

Solei Alexandria Perez of Massillon: Hey Dad...If you American in the Kitchen, what are you in the Bathroom? European

 

Ken Reed of East Sparta: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

 

Vivian Atkinson of New Franklin: My Buddy David lost his ID, now everybody just calls him Dave.

 

Chelsie Palecek of Brooklyn: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

 

Kerry Kelly of Medina: What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

 

Katy Schrecengost of Ravenna: I am a new mom and my husband always acts like he is our son's hostess at a restaurant. When he hands him to me to feed him, he always says "your table sir, it's the breast seat in the house"

 

Tom Mauerer of Willoughby: Wanna hear a pizza joke?? Sorry, it’s too cheesy!

 

Olivia Webb of Canton: Why do the call them "seagulls"? Cause if they flew over the bay they'd be "baygulls"

 

Gordon Lewis of Barberton: I've always wanted to get into archery, but it has too many drawbacks!

 

Joel Whitman of Wadsworth: What do you call a cow with four short legs? Skim milk!

 

Ken Young of Dover: When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.

 

Cindy Young of Dover: I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know...

 

Elizabeth of Twinsburg: ‘So I own an automotive repair shop, a few of my mechanics drink brake fluid, no worries though they can stop anytime”

 

Mike LeBarre of Tallmadge: What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1Forrest1

 

Russ Beavers of Mogadore: What is the greatest groundbreaking invention of all time? The shovel!

 

Richelle Marsh of Akron: A son and his mom are cruising down a boulevard when he runs a red light. “Hey!” the mom shouts. “Be careful!” “Don’t worry,” says the son . “My dad does it all the time.” He barrels through the next red light, and the mom screams, “Stop doing that!” “I’m telling you, my dad does this all the time.”They approach the next light. Just when it turns green, the son slams on the brakes. The confused mom asks, “You just ran two red lights; why’d you stop at a green?” “I had to,” says the son. “My dad might have been coming.”

 

Rachelle Watson of Canton: What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry? 58!

 

Dennis Fornter of Holmesville: What did the nut say to the other nut? Imma cashew 

 

Chantel Loeffler of Canal Fulton: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? 
Well if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. 

 

Noah Capozzi of North Canton: There is a Halloween party and a man goes dressed as a turtle, he walks towards the bar naked with a girl on his back, the bouncer asks the man, “Who’s that on your back”? “That’s Just Michelle” 

 

Hannah Shaffer of Ashland: I'm reading a story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it. 

 

Tom McLarnan of Mansfield: They’ve opened up LEGOLAND you should have seen all the people, they were lined up for blocks 

 

Michael Shackelford of Akron: Why was the little cookie sad? Because his dad was a wafer so long.

 

Mary Ann Walter of Berea: Two very inebriated men left the bar and proceeded to walk down a set of railroad tracks.  After a while, the one guy said "my gosh, this is the longest set of stairs". The other guy said "I don't mind the stairs, it's the low handrail that's getting me".

 

Karla of Canton: Kiddo: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

 

Krissy Bonnett of Cuyahoga Falls: “Why do they call me coffee? Because I grind so fine” Josh Bonnett of Cuyahoga Falls: Did you know that baseball is in the Bible? “In the BIG-inning” 

 

Eric Layne of North Canton: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?.....It got stuck in a crack!

 

Amber Mishler of Canal Fulton: Where do you take someone who was injured in a “peek-a-boo” accident?The I.C.U.!! 

 

Kelly Emmons of North Canton: Did you hear about the guy that cut of the left side of his body?? He's all right now!!!

 

Emily Smith of Cuyahoga Falls: What kind of bear is the most condescending? A Pan-Duh!!!!!!

 

Rachel Eshbaugh of New Franklin: What do you give a sick bird? Tweet- ment 

 

Kristina Fesler of Brunswick: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!! 

 

Kimberly Hufford of Valley City: Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Hey! Do you know how to drive this thing!?”

 

Michael Hawsman of Cuyahoga Falls: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

 

Janet Morrison: When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa.

 

John Wesalowski of Wooster: What did you call a donkey with three legs?.......a wonkey

 

Ken Mierzejewski: "My father once told me" If you want people to hear what you have to say, start by sayingMy Father once told me. 

 

Sarah Starnes of Tallmadge: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! 

 

Carol Quezada of Canal Fulton: If a cop pulls over a Uhaul, did he bust a move?

 

Wendy Myets of Canal Fulton: The inventor of the umbrella was originally going to call it brella, but he hesitated. Ummmm....brella.  

 

Jennifer Fendler of Atwater: How do you make a Kleenex dance?
You but a boogie in it.  Lol

 

Cassie Pollock of Mogadore: Have you heard the rumor about butter? Well, I don't wanna spread it!

 

Brad Collins of Clinton: Hey Billie how does a bear catch fish? I don't know dad how? With his bear hands get it his bear hands

 

Katie Dickey of Massillon: What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no eye deer!

 

Ashley Hinderer of Massillon: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bi-son!

 

Scott D Anderson of Orrville: Hey, There's a new birth control pill for men. It's called SONBLOCK!

 

Anthony Clowser Jr of Lousiville: Do you know why scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat!!!!!

 

Wendy Toole of New Franklin: What happens if dad loses his hair? There will be hell toupee. 

 

Claris Kilianek of Cuyahoga Falls: A barber asks a boy how he would like his hair cut. The boy says, “like my dad, with a hole in the middle!”

 

Hope Cooper of Navarre: There's 3 ladies on Jeopardy. One is a brunette, a red head and a blonde. The question is how many D's are in Indiana Jones. The brunette replies what is 1. The red head 1. And the blonde 7. The announcer replies to the blonde how did you get that number?! The blonde goes...da da da da da da da! (In Indiana Jones theme song). 

 

Paul Roth of Cuyahoga Falls: What do you call a nun in a blender? A twisted sister!

 

Steve Pittman Sr of Barberton: 2 guys walk into this bar....the 3rd guy ducks! 

 

Patricia Kuder of Gnadenhutten: What concert only costs $0.45?? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback 

 

Aaron Rose of Coventry Twp: What rock group has 4 men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore

 

Lydia Jackson of Akron: How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!

 

Amy Davis of North Canton: Why are batteries always sad? They are never included in anything 

 

Frederick Hantz of Alliance: The reopening if Lego stores is going to be big in 2020! Really?? Yeah, people are going to be lined up for BLOCKS! 

 

David Lamb of Barberton: What did rapper 50 cent do when he was hungry? 58

 

Tuan Duong of Wadsworth: If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

 

Vicie Stover of Uniontown: Do you know what the difference is between a rectal and an oral thermometer? The taste! 

 

Schae Painter of Akron: Are you Morgan Wallen? Because I mullet you chase me.

 

Douglas S Nehez of Kent:  I haven't been to the gym in so long I had to start calling it James.

 

Jeremy Gallion of Canton: Why don’t eggs make jokes? Cause they’ll crack each other up!!

 

Eileen Brubaker of Medina: Hey Dad, why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!

 

Erica Soehnlen of Dalton: "What time do you go to the dentist?" "TOOTH HURT-Y"

 

Ronald Kennedy of Akron: A few years ago, my fiancée took her male dog named Almond Joy to the vet so he can be fixed.  When the procedure was done, I asked her how "Mounds" was doing.  She looked at me funny and asked why I called Almond Joy, Mounds.  I told her that Almond Joys have nuts and Mounds don't. I still laugh at this joke, her not so much and Almond Joy isn't nuts about it either.  

 

Breanna Domer of Burbank: Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing! 

 

Niki Delgrosso of North Royalton: Have you heard about how the barber won a marathon? He used a shortcut!

 

Sam Wood of Akron: P1 It's amazing that they are still together after all the crap they have been through. P2 Who? P1 your butt cheeks. Lol

 

Lisa T Vigus of Akron: Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station! 

 

Jesse D. Pierson of Akron: My Dad got a Father’s Day card....it was signed anonymous.

 

Brandy Burke of Mogadore: Wife to her husband: "I need to buy some burning bushes from the nursery today". Husband: "Make sure they come with a fire extinguisher!"

 

Rachel Rucker of Akron: How do tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The footprints in the butter.

 

Lori Carlton of Massillon: How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neek up on it.

 

Shannon Dudich of Norton: What do you call Mac N cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food. 

 

Sandra Weglarz of Canton: Dad says to his son: Today...   It's Like Being 16 yrs Old Again, Gas is Cheap & I'M Being Grounded....

 

Sheri Revlock of Madison: Every time we Would drive by a graveyard my father would say "people are just dying to get in there" 

 

Lindsey Molnar of Stow: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

 

Stephany Miller of Akron: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot! 

 

Chris Taylor of Uniontown: What does a Mermaid use to wash her clothes? TIDE

 

Caden Haynes of Creston: Why dose toilet paper not like going accost the road?  Because it always gets stuck in cracks!

 

Nick Pinion of Akron: Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

 

Justin Keplar of Uniontown: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

 

Denise McDannold of Canton: How do you make Kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it!

 

Abigail Rinehart of Coventry Township: Why did the cowboy buy a daschund? He wanted to get a long lil doggy

 

Julie Bryant of Akron: What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1.

 

JP Schippert of Uniontown: How does a cat like its steak cooked? Raaaaare 

 

Nick of Akron: I always knock on the fridge door before opening... Just in case there’s a salad dressing. 

 

Patrick Miller of Barberton: Did you hear what happened at the reopening of the LEGO store? People were lined up for blocks!! 

 

Christine Orosz of Northfield: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle.

 

Jon Freitag of Akron: What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall? Dam!

 

Cierra Simmons of Cuyahoga Falls: Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?

 

Justin Foy of Alliance: Why did the lizard have trouble changing colors...because he had a reptile disfunction. 

 

Jack Loyd of Akron: Tonight, my son and I were reading together when he asked me “can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still won’t call me dad. 

 

Drew Grant of Uhrichsville: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field 

 

Megan Ferrari of Brunswick: Pull my finger...

 

Abigail M Wilson of Medina: What nationality are you when you have to use the restroom? – Russian. And what nationality are you when you are done? - Finnish

 

Josh Green of Akron: How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

 

Jon Cutright of Akron:  I went to purchase 12 honey bees at the local pet store and the clerk gave me 13.  I said “you’ve given me one too many.”  He simply stated, “that’s a freebie.” Freebie...free........bee.....

 

Christine Regal of Wellington: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!!

 

Abbigil Wise of New Franklin: What did the drummer name his twin daughters? 
Anna1 .. Anna2

 

Andrew Ruebensaal of Parma: I had a dream about a muffler. I woke up exhausted!

 

Caleb Hartzler of Rittman: Did you hear about the man that lost the entire left half of his body? He's all right now!

 

Marika Pittinger of Akron: What concert costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring nickelback!

 

Tuan Duong of Wadsworth: Do you know where Engagement Ohio is? I heard it's somewhere between Dayton and Marion!

 

Tim McLarnan of Mansfield: Do you know the difference between dubhi and abu dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in abu dhabi Do!

 

Dede Miller of Akron: What has 4 legs and no ears? Mike Tyson's dog!!

 

Bill Starcher of North Canton: What kind of bees give milk? Boobies! 

 

Nick Mackey of Cuyahoga Falls: After singing "Brown-eyed Girl" a friend says, "But, I don't have brown eyes, they're blue." I replied, "Everyone has at least one."

 

Zack Yoder of Winesburg: The rotation of earth really makes my day.

 

Fay Jarrett of Seville: A duck goes into a shop to buy lipstick; he says to the cashier, "Can you put it on my bill!"

 

Brian Bailey of Canton: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

 

Richelle Marsh of Akron: A man walks into a drugstore with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by a condom display. The boy asks, "what are these, dad?" The dad matter of factly replies, "those are called condoms, son.  Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh, I see, I've heard of that in health class", replies the son. He looks at the display, picks up a package and asks, "why are there 3 in the package?" The dad responds, "those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday." "Cool", says the boy. He notices the 6 pack of condoms. "Then what are these for?"
"Those are for college men. TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday", replies the dad.
"WOW" exclaimed the son." Then who uses these?", as he picks up a 12 count pack. With a deep sigh, the dad replied, " Son, those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

 

Jillian of Hartville: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent!

 

Kim Blankenship of Massillon: What is made of leather but sounds like a sneeze! A SHOE

 

Chris Eitman of Akron: What nationality is Santa Claus? He's North Polish!

 

Kim Bulcroft of Parma: So, last night I had a dream about a muffler--- I woke up EXHAUSTED!!! 

 

Rhonda Starcher of Barberton: How do you catch a unique rabbit? You neak up on it!
How do you catch a tame one? The tame way!

 

Greg Horvath of Barberton: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to smoke

 

Steve Dunfee of Shreve: Dad: Son, I accidentally drank some food coloring.
Son: Oh no dad!  What did you do?! Dad: I think I dyed a little on the inside....

 

Christopher of Cuyahoga Falls: What did mustard say to mayonnaise? You better go catch up!

 

James Pollock of Mogadore: Did you hear about the new Lego store they built? 
People were lined up for blocks.

 

Michael Keller of Massillon: How do you catch a one of a kind rabbit???
Unique up on it!!!!

 

Suzy Forshey of Streetsboro: Teenager: Dad, my car has a flat tire. What do I do?
(Dad hands kid a vegetable) Teenager: What’s this? Dad: Asparagus (a spare, I guess)

 

Jeff Acomb of Stow: What happens when you flip an M upside down? A W. Ok what happens when you flip an S upside down? An S. Ok.. what happens when you flip a B upside down? You better run because you just really T....ed him off!

 

Riki Lee Darke of Peninsula: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!

 

Rachel Johnson of Massillon: It's a 10 minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering. 

 

Chrystal Fannin of Massillon: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!

 

Joanna Brown of Copley: Why did the restaurant hire a pig? It was good at bacon

 

Jason Kestranek of North Ridgeville: Ever dream of a world where desserts are endless? I cannoli imagine. 

 

Allyson Mast of North Ridgeville: You know who I can’t believe is still together after all the crap they’ve been through?!? Your butt cheeks! 

 

Tricia Hurst of Ashtabula: What did the farmer say to the cows late at night?
It's "pasture" bedtime...lol

 

Ryan Schwartz of Cuyahoga Falls: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

 

Erin Yost of Carrollton: Do your jeans have holes in them?  If they have answered no....Then "How do you get your legs in them?"  LOL :)  

 

Sophia: Mommy tomato daddy tomato and baby tomato we’re going for a walk and the baby tomato was falling behind, the daddy tomato went over to the baby tomato and stepped on him and said “catch-up.”  (Ketchup). Lol!!!

 

Lisa Deger of New Franklin: Why did the scuba diver fall backwards out of the boat? Because if he fell forward he would fall into the boat!

 

Zane Shuss of Massillon: Has 2 parts - Why was the mushroom invited to the party? (Cause he was a fungi!)Why couldn't he get into the party? ( there wasnt very mushroom!)

 

Jeff Craven of Akron: The secret service isn’t allowed to yell, “Get Down!”, anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell, “Donald, duck!”

 

Mike Toth of Cortland: Where did the reindeer go when he lost his tail? The retail store.

 

Jessica Sulenski of Medina: How do you tell if you are upside down? If your nose runs and your feet smell.

 

Allen Nichols of Akron: Dad walked into the lumber yard and asked for a 2 by 4 the man behind the counter asked how long would you like it? Dad replied I would like to keep it.

 

Abby Hayes of Uniontown: Do you think the mailman is delivering mail alone? Because he likes to post-Malone?!

 

Pat Moran of North Olmsted: Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

 

Samantha McLaughlin of Parma Heights: Me: “I’m hungry” Dad: “Hi hungry, I’m dad!” 

 

Todd Perkins of Mansfield: Son: what are condoms used for?  Dad: Usually to avoid answering questions like these.

 

Jackie Punka of Tallmadge: (My dad is from Boston) Why are there 239 beans in a can of Boston baked beans? Because one more would make it two farty (240) 

 

Cindy Laidman of Aurora: I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

 

Al Gordon of Akron: Is Toto by the Group Africa Country Music??? No, it's Continent Music. 

 

Renee Hoffman of Ravenna: What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller

 

Isaac Leimeister of Washingtonville: Why shouldn’t you fart in church? Because then you have to sit in your own pew. 

 

Julie Handy of Uniontown: How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.

 

Leonard Kueking of Canal Fulton: The Tampa Bay football stadium added Corn-on-the-cob to their menu. It is the best deal in the stadium. It only costs A Buccaneer (Buck an ear)! LOL

 

Marilyn Chapman of Akron: What does a deaf gynecologist do? He reads lips! 

 

Julie Russo of Broadview Heights: Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 are 9!

 

Ricardo Marquez of Akron: Two buzzards were eating a clown. One buzzard asked the other buzzard, "does this taste funny to you?"

 

Missy Rule of Wooster: My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I put my foot down :)

 

Marija Stojanovic of Seven Hills: Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because everyone is dying to get in

 

Matthew McGuire of Wadsworth: Why did the old man fall in a well?..... He didn't see that WELL!!!!

 

Brenda Hargraves of North Canton: What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?  SUPPLIES!!!!

 

Matthew Simkovich of Elyria: Son- dad will you play ball with me? Dad- I can't right now son my stomach is upset. Son- what did you eat that made it hurt? Dad- I had beans and a peanut butter sandwich and now I have a fart stuck to the roof of my ass!

 

Karen Shapuite of Canton: Why didn't the egg cross the road?  Because he was a little chicken!!!

 

Tanya Chase of Akron: Why did the 2 watermelons get married? Because they Can't-elope!

 

Robert Miller of Doylestown: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!  Lol

 

Joel Rakocy of Twinsburg: We were looking at houses and found one offering new ranch plan....it comes with a bottle of hidden valley. 

 

Ashlie Creter of North Lawrence: “What do you call the finger a ring goes on?" A Ringer. 

 

Jenn Herman of Tallmadge: What happens when you fart in church? You have to sit in your own pew 

 

Kate Snyder of Rootstown: Why did the cowboy have a wiener dog as a pet? Because everyone kept telling him to get A LONG little doggie 

 

Cindy Laidman of Aurora: Did you hear that a huge cheese factory in France blew up, “debrie “ everywhere.

 

Michele Smith of Wooster: When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent 

 

John Vercuski of Uniontown: Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies

 

Ashley Bergdorf of Cuyahoga Falls: This morning I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows on too high....She looked surprised. LOL

 

Phillip Shearer of Hartville: Why isn’t your nose twelve inches long? Because then it’d be a foot

 

Paul Sable of Parma: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?  He was looking for Pooh 

 

Jordan of Newton Falls: A girl met a horse, and they became friends, the horse moved around a lot though and they lost touch...turns out he was unstable

 

Charles Doll of Creston: What do you call several banana skins next to your bed? A pair of slippers

 

Matt White of Akron: What do you call 25 male deer and 25 female pigs? 50 salousand bucks

 

Corey McDevitt of Cuyahoga Falls: Why isn’t a nose 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot!

 

Tami Smith of Akron: Two hats hanging on a rack what does one say to the other? You hang here, I’ll go on a head 

 

Thomas Barton of Youngstown: I went to a Dorito farm once; it was a Cool Ranch. 

 

Michelle Roneker of Bowerston: What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!!

 

Brooke Baker of Clinton: You lose ya phone and ya wallet. But Alicia Keys still there

 

Katie Gibson of Canton: What's ET short for? Because he's only got tiny legs! What do you call a deer with no eyes?? No EYE-deer!

 

Jim Perko of North Olmsted: I changed all my passwords to Kenny.  Now I have all Kenny Loggins

 

Tabatha Cary of Massillon: Have you heard of engagement Ohio? It’s between Dayton and Marion 

 

Karen DelRio of Navarre: My dad was fishing under the bridge. I asked him if he was trolling. 

 

 

 

Last modified on Friday, 19 June 2020 09:19